just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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