Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize