he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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