paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
