The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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