I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
