Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
