If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
