I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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