If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
