We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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