these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love you. Go after that dick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
