Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
