She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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