you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
