I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
