i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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