remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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