i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
