hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
