I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
