I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
