My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
