but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
