Your mouth is God's brothel.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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