i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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