I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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