My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
