She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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