What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
