Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
