I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
