Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
