I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
