My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
