Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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