Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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