I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
