about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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