My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
