THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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