I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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