I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
