Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
