You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
