Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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