Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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