How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
