What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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