all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
