We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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