true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
