Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
