it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
