I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
