Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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