I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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