I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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