i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
