For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
