I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
