So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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