Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
