So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All the doctor said was why
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
