i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize