New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
