I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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