she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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