matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
