I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Be still, my beating vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
